


To Burn With Desire

by photographer_of_thoughts



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bipolar Disorder, Bottom Isak Valtersen, Childhood Friends, M/M, Magical Artifacts, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Smitten Isak Valtersen, Top Even Bech Næsheim, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 21:59:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11769222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/photographer_of_thoughts/pseuds/photographer_of_thoughts
Summary: “Um, Even?”“Yeah?”“Do friends kiss other friends?” Isak asked.Even looked amused again. “Sometimes."Or, the AU in which Isak and Even are neighbours and Isak's father has a secret job that unintentionally helps Isak realize he's in love with his best friend.





	To Burn With Desire

**Author's Note:**

> **I always get to a point where I think I won't have any other Skam fan-fiction story ideas, and then I prove myself wrong :P  
> **This fic is inspired by magical elements in the Harry Potter world, but it is by no means a "magical world." It's very focused on Isak and Even as neighbours and friends, but of course there are other feelings involved. :)  
> **Skam and characters & Harry Potter do not belong to me. Only fiction here.

_“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”_

 

Isak knew his father’s job was secret. He wasn’t allowed to divulge information to many people and that had never really interested Isak before. He didn’t care what his father did, as long as they were getting money.

It wasn’t until Isak was twelve and he started hanging out with the boy next door, Even, who had asked what Isak’s father _did,_ that it occurred to Isak to even spare it a thought.

“Are you in the mob?” Isak asked casually one night, staring at his father who was nearly choking on his potatoes.

“ _Excuse me?”_ Terje spat, incredulous.

“Even’s dad is a bank manager and his mother is an artist. He asked me today what my parents do and I said my mom stays at home and my father does something I’m not allowed to talk about. Then he asked if that meant you were a criminal who was in the mob.” Isak explained, happy with himself for remembering his and Even’s entire conversation.

“Isak, do you even know what ‘the mob’ is?” Marianne jumped in, shooting her husband a weird look.

Isak coloured. “No, but Even made it seem like it was something bad.”

“The mob _is_ bad, Isak. But I am not in the mob. What I do is private, you’re right, but it’s not a bad job. Okay?” Terje said, raising his eyebrows in expectation.

“Okay.” Isak replied, finishing the rest of his dinner. He knew better than to ask anything else when his father looked like that.

Two days later, Isak ran to meet Even at what was quickly becoming ‘their spot;’ a field behind the fences that enclosed their backyards, hidden behind thick trees. It was like a fort and Isak loved it. If someone was walking by along the path, they wouldn’t be able to see the two boys laughing and exchanging comics, tickling each other.

Even was becoming one of Isak’s best friends despite their two year age difference.

“If he’s not in the mob, what else could it be?” Even pondered, looking at Isak intensely. “Don’t you want to know?”

Isak just shrugged. “I guess, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?”

“It’s interesting. We should make up theories about it!”

“Why?”

“For something to do? I don’t know. I just moved here and it’s kind of boring in this neighbourhood. We aren’t old enough to do anything else.” Even said.

Isak tried really hard not to think that Even found _Isak_ boring too.

“Maybe he’s an assassin?” Even laughed.

Isak felt like a little kid compared to Even all of a sudden because he knew a lot more words than Isak. The mob. Assassin. Isak didn’t have a clue what that meant either.

Even caught Isak’s eye and his expression softened. He moved closer to Isak where they were sitting on the grass that was littered with pine needles. Isak went willingly into the hug Even offered.

“We can stop talking about it if you want.” Even whispered, bumping his nose against Isak’s.

Isak had never been this close to another boy before and his stomach was suddenly in knots. He looked up at Even, going slight cross-eyed, and he thought to himself _he has such nice eyes._

“I just don’t know what it means.” Isak mumbled, forcing himself to look away.

“Assassin?” Even asked. “It means someone who is given money to kill people.”

Isak was startled for a moment but then he saw the smile across Even’s lips and he mirrored it. “My dad doesn’t kill people, you weirdo.”

“I know. This is all just pretend, Isak.”

“Okay. Maybe he…is a wizard and goes out every day to cast spells on people?” Isak offered, thinking to the part in the latest Harry Potter book he was reading. Dumbledore was his favourite.

“Yes! He transforms himself into another person who looks completely different and gets paid to turn people into frogs or something.” Even laughed, the sound high and happy. Isak felt proud that he’d made an older boy laugh.

“I sometimes wish magic was real.” Isak whispered.

“Maybe it is. You never know, right?”

“So in a different world somewhere, me and you are wizards? Or maybe we’re training to be assassins?” Isak smiled, suddenly excited at the possibility.

“Or we’re animal trainers in a circus. Or we’re mimes in France. Or we’re pilots, flying together up over the clouds.”

Even sounded dreamy and Isak got lost in his voice, tucking himself closer to Even’s side.

“I wish we could do something fun like that.”

“Like be assassins?” Even teased, poking Isak in the ribs.

“No! Something like…go to Hogwarts and have adventures. Do all that stuff you just said.”

“Maybe someday we will. I think we will have adventures together, Isak. Unless you stop wanting to be my friend.”

 _Never,_ Isak thought.

“Let’s always be friends.” Isak chose to say instead.

Even shook his hand and placed a quick kiss on Isak’s forehead. “Deal.”

“Um, Even?”

“Yeah?”

“Do friends kiss other friends?” Isak asked, his voice small and his forehead tingling on the spot where Even’s lips had just been.

Even looked amused again. “Sometimes. We don’t have to.”

Isak chewed on his bottom lip, considering.

“I think…we could. Sometimes. I don’t kiss my other friends. I would just kiss you.”

“You don’t want to kiss a girl?”

Isak made a face. “ _No.”_

“You might want to when you’re older.” Even stated.

“I won’t need to if I have you to kiss.”

Isak panicked for a second as they fell into a silence. Maybe Even was asking Isak if he wanted to kiss girls because _he_ wanted to kiss girls. “Do you…want to kiss girls?”

“Not right now.” Even replied.

“But maybe you will when we’re older?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh.” Isak felt his chest pull tight as he sucked in a deep breath. He rubbed the spot, willing it to go away.

“Isak?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to play tag?” Even smiled, already standing up.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Cool. But first…” Even trailed off, pulling Isak to his feet and then moving Isak’s arms so they were wrapped around Even’s neck. “Will you kiss me?”

Isak was suddenly too hot.

“I don’t…know how.”

“It’s easy.” Even nodded, moving his face closer. Isak thought he was going to place another kiss on Isak’s forehead, but he didn’t. He moved lower.

He placed his lips over Isak’s and pushed for only a second before pulling back. “See? Easy.”

Isak nodded, feeling light as a feather as he stared at Even’s lips. “Easy.” He breathed out, just as he moved closer and put his lips over Even’s, mimicking the older boy’s kiss.

This moment felt huge to Isak, who was standing there with his arms around Even’s shoulders, on his tip toes. It felt like it _meant_ something. But Isak didn’t have words. He didn’t know what to say. Even looked just as speechless, just as impacted by it.

But then the moment ended.

“You’re it!” Even laughed, pulling away and running.

Isak laughed too, chasing after his new friend. His new friend who he had just shared his first kiss with.

**

Terje had always locked the door to the basement. Isak and Lea were never allowed down there, but it had never mattered before. Nobody asked about it. It was where Isak’s father did a lot of things related to his job. Nobody cared, not really.

But Even cared.

The first time he came over for dinner, he asked Isak about the door. Isak frowned, forgetting that door was even there; hidden behind a shelf.

“We don’t go down there. Only my father does.”

Even’s eyes nearly shot out of his skull. “ _What?_ Okay, seriously. We need to figure out what the hell your Dad does!”

“No, Even. He’ll never tell us!” Isak whispered, looking around anxiously. He didn’t want his parents to hear them.

“But this is so…weird! He’s obviously hiding something.” Even continued.

“That’s the point, stupid.” Isak retorted.

“Let’s pretend we’re Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, out investigating like detectives!” Even whispered back, pulling the shelf out a bit; trying to get at the door.

“Even, no! I don’t want to get in trouble.” Isak said, feeling tears in his eyes. He grabbed at Even’s arm, turning the older boy around. “My dad will be so upset with me. I don’t want him to say I can’t _see_ you anymore. Please, I…”

“Shhh, Isak.” Even said soothingly, bringing Isak into the circle of his arms. “It’s all right. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Isak felt like a kid again, someone who Even had to babysit; not be friends with. But the idea of never seeing Even again was too much to bear.

“Let’s go play in my room or something.”

“Okay.” Even agreed, smiling down at Isak before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

He lingered there a little longer than normal, but Isak didn’t think it was weird or anything. He liked kissing Even. They did it practically every day.

**

For three years, Even didn’t ask about the door again. He didn’t bring up Terje’s job. They didn’t try to investigate. Gradually, they forgot about it and life went on.

Isak had just turned fifteen when he realized he didn’t see Even a lot anymore. Even had different friends than Isak; boys who were more mature. Boys who drove their parents’ cars and smoked and listened to music Isak hated.

Even didn’t kiss Isak a lot nowadays, but sometimes he did. Sometimes Even would text Isak to meet him at their spot and they’d lie on a blanket; looking up at the stars. Even would turn to look at Isak eventually, move closer and place a chaste kiss on Isak’s lips.

It still felt like it meant something to Isak. But he knew it didn’t mean a lot to Even, especially when Isak saw Even kissing a girl on his front porch one afternoon. Isak had just gotten home from school and he caught Even’s eye, waving awkwardly as Even had his arms around a girl.

Even looked at him for a long second before he leaned down and kissed the girl, pushing his tongue into her mouth. Isak’s chest went tight and he rubbed it hard as he walked into his house.

_I guess you only kiss girls now._

**

Isak was home alone the night of his sixteenth birthday. His parents had gone to some kind of convention the day before and Lea was at a friend’s house for a sleepover. Isak didn’t mind because he was seeing Jonas tomorrow to celebrate and his parents had given him his gift already.

Isak was watching TV on the couch when he suddenly heard a loud banging sound come from the basement. It startled Isak so much that he stood up from the couch, bracing himself like his house would crumble down on him at any moment.

Isak waited, anticipating another noise, but nothing came. After five solid minutes, Isak concluded that he must have imagined it, or maybe it had come from the TV and it just sounded like it was downstairs.

Isak sat down, shaking his head; trying to snap out of it. He had just lifted the cup up to take a sip of his drink when someone spoke behind him.

“Hey, Isak.”

Isak dropped his cup, jumping back up as it shattered all over the floor. He turned around, scared out of his mind, only to have his eyes land on Even of all people. Even, who was chuckling and leaning against the door of Isak’s basement.

The door that was very much _wide open._

_Holy shit._

“Even! What. The. Fuck.” Isak stammered, walking towards his friend. “How did you…”

“I broke in through the window.” Even shrugged, looking like it was no big deal.

“ _What?”_ Isak nearly shouted.

“I was out walking and I saw a light on in your basement through the window. So I broke in.” Even explained, taking hold of Isak’s hand and pulling him.

Even started to walk down the basement stairs, dragging Isak with him. Isak was too shocked to pull away, too shocked to argue that this was _not fucking allowed._ He just let Even pull him.

“I don’t know why your dad wouldn’t let you down here. There’s nothing here but some old mirror.” Even said, rounding the corner at the bottom of the stairs and gesturing to said mirror in the middle of the room.

Isak blinked a few times, trying to take in the sight of the very white walls, white floor and gigantic mirror that stood in the centre of the basement; towering up to the ceiling.

It was so fucking _bizarre._

Why would Isak’s father prevent his family from seeing…a mirror? What was so bad about a mirror?

“Even, I…”

“Happy birthday, by the way. I know it’s today.” Even interrupted, suddenly in front of Isak and pulling his arms up to hold onto Even’s shoulders; like he always used to do.

Isak looked at him, so utterly confused, but he wasn’t surprised in the slightest when Even leaned down to bring their mouths together.

It wasn’t a chaste kiss this time. It was hungry and full of need. Even brought Isak closer to him, chest to chest, and sighed as he parted his lips again and again; bringing them down on Isak’s.

“God, I missed you Isak. I’m sorry I left. I’m so fucking sorry.” Even whispered, still kissing Isak in between words.

Isak just held on, not wanting to let go, but also knowing he needed to. There was too much going on right now. Too much that Isak didn’t understand.

“They say I’m crazy. Did you know that? My brain doesn’t work right.” Even said, stopping their kisses and instead lifting Isak into a tight hug.

“Even, what’s happening?” Isak whispered, his own face practically buried in Even’s neck.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to see the basement. It’s always been so interesting to me. I’m not supposed to be here, though.”

Even was talking really fast and breathing really hard, his heart punching against the skin of his neck; right where Isak could feel it. Isak pressed a calm, small kiss there before pulling back and looking into Even’s eyes. They were still blue, still beautiful, but they were somehow vacant. They were different, like he couldn’t really see Isak or anything else; like he wasn’t focusing on anything.

“Even, what’s going on?”

“I’m crazy. I told you. But you’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Isak. That’s always true. It would be true in any version of us. Whether we’re mimes or animal trainers or pilots. Remember that, okay?”

Even turned away from Isak, heading towards the stairs. But Isak didn’t want him to go.

He never wanted Even to go.

“Even, wait…”

“I have to go. Tell your dad I’m sorry about the window.”

And then he was gone.

**

Isak cleaned up the glass from the broken window and was just about to go back upstairs and throw it out, when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

The glass was old and kind of darker than a normal mirror, but Isak could see himself clearly. Same eyes. Same pimples on his cheeks. Same snapback that he really needed to give back to Jonas.

He wasn’t beautiful. Not at all.

But Even had said he was. Even, who wasn’t acting like himself, had told Isak he was something worth looking at. But Isak didn’t see it. Not at all.

Isak was so caught up in thought, unable to see what Even saw, that he didn’t even hear Even walk back downstairs. But then he was suddenly walking towards Isak, smiling at his reflection in the mirror.

Isak started.

“Jesus, Even. You scared the crap out of me. I thought you had to…” Isak was saying, turning around to glare at Even. But he stopped short when he turned around and Even _wasn’t there_.

Isak’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at the white basement wall where Even should have been. He whirled around to look in the mirror and…Even was still there. Still smiling at Isak, _right behind him._ Real as anything.

But when Isak turned around again, Even still wasn’t there.

Isak’s heart was suddenly jack-hammering in his chest, chills running down his spine and making the hairs on his neck stand up.

What the hell was going on?

Isak, now shaking, turned back around to look in the mirror again. Even was there, giving Isak that smile that turned Isak’s knees to jello. He reached up like he was going to touch Isak’s shoulder. Isak expected to feel it when Even’s hand landed there, squeezing. But when Isak looked down at his right shoulder, nothing was there.

“I love you, Isak.” The Even in the mirror suddenly said. Isak could read the words on his lips, _hear_ Even’s voice even though he wasn’t actually here.

“I only want you.” Even said, walking closer to the Isak in the mirror and placing a kiss on Isak’s cheek; ruffling his hair fondly.

 _I’m losing my mind,_ Isak thought.

**

“Isak!”

Isak was suddenly being shaken, by real hands this time, and he startled back from watching himself in the mirror. He turned to look into the face of his very real, and very _angry,_ father.

“Isak, what are you doing down here?!” Terje shrieked, yanking Isak by his arms and then pushing him up the basement stairs.

Isak spared a moment to wonder why his father was home. Isak didn’t expect him until the morning. But as they made their way into the kitchen, bright sunlight greeted Isak and he shut his eyes against it.

Had Isak been down in the basement all night? It had only felt like a minute.

“Isak, seriously, what were you thinking? _Why_ were you down there?” Terje was shouting, looking angry and worried all at the same time.

“The window broke.” Isak croaked, his voice raw; throat dry.

“What?”

“The window. It shattered. I went down to clean it up and I saw the mirror. Why do we have a mirror in our basement?” Isak asked, frowning up at his father.

“Oh my God. He saw it?” Marianne asked, coming into the living room and pulling Isak into a hug.

Isak let himself be squeezed, still reeling. Everything felt wrong and backwards. Nothing made _sense._

Had Even really been here at all?

“I pulled him away from it, but from the looks of things he’s been down there all night.” Terje sighed, sitting down and putting his face in his hands.

“Isak, honey. Look at me.” His mother was saying, putting her hands on Isak’s face. “Are you okay?”

Isak nodded slowly. He wasn’t in pain. He was just fucking _confused._ “I don’t know…what happened. I’m sorry I was down there, but I heard a loud noise and…”

“Someone broke in?”

Fuck. Isak didn’t want to admit it was Even, but he didn’t need his parents thinking it was some kind of burglar either.

“Even did.”

Terje and Marianne exchanged looks before Marianne snapped, “I always knew that boy was trouble.”

“He’s not trouble.” Isak defended.

“Isak. What matters right now is _you._ Are you sure you’re all right?” His father asked.

Isak felt more awake now, less in a dream-world and he nodded with more confidence this time.

“I’m fine. But I want to know why we have a mirror in our basement and why I couldn’t look away from it. I saw…” Isak trailed off, his cheeks growing hot as he looked into his parents’ faces.

 _I saw Even,_ Isak was going to say. _I saw him kissing me, loving me. I saw us together and in love and so fucking happy it was like a fairy tale. And I didn’t want to look away._

“I guess this conversation was going to happen sometime.” Terje sighed, leaning back and looking defeated.

“He’s too _young.”_ Marianne stated.

“I’m not young.”

“He’s not a child anymore, Marianne. Maybe this is as good of a time as any other.”

Isak waited impatiently as his mother went and sat with his father, both of them staring at Isak intensely. Isak didn’t know what to expect. He had no idea what they would tell him, but he never in his life imagined the next words that came out of his father’s mouth.

“Magic is real.”

**

“So, it’s like the mirror of Erised?” Isak asked.

Terje and Marianne frowned.

“The mirror of…what?”

“Like in Harry Potter. There’s this old mirror that Dumbledore hides from everyone because it’s dangerous. It shows people the deepest desires of their hearts but a lot of times it’s unachievable. People go crazy if they spend enough time in front of it.” Isak explained.

“Well, _shit_.” Terje suddenly laughed, shaking his head. “That’s kind of exactly what it is, but it doesn’t have a name.”

“Why is it in our basement?”

Terje pursed his lips, considering. “A lot of things have been in our basement, Isak. Lots of things that are part of a magical world outside of this one. I keep them until they are transported somewhere else. Our house is kind of like FedEx for the magic world. I get paid by this wizard to do it, but I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Not even family.”

“Holy shit!” Isak laughed, suddenly full of excitement. “This is crazy.”

“I know it sounds crazy. I thought this guy was a lunatic the first time he came to me and asked.”

“So, this wizard brings you items and waits until they can be…sent back to a magic world. But how do the items get transported?” Isak asked.

“There’s a portal in our fireplace.” Terje said, like it was the most common thing in the world. “Other wizards come through it and pick it up once it’s been paid for.”

Isak burst out laughing. “Holy shit! This is _exactly_ like Harry Potter.”

“Language.” Marianne snapped at him.

Isak laughed harder. “Mamma! I’ve just found out there is a magic world out there that Pappa trades in, and you’re lecturing me about my swearing?! What the _fuck_!”

“Isak!”

**

“Sometimes items that come through here are dangerous, Isak. That’s why you’re not allowed down there, okay?”

Isak nodded. “All right. But if they’re dangerous, aren’t you worried that something will happen one day?”

“I thought something did happen today. If we hadn’t pulled you away from the mirror, Isak…we could have lost you.” Terje whispered. “I don’t know how that mirror worked in your book, but this mirror is _powerful._ It kind of takes the person’s soul who is staring into it if that person stares too long. You were down there for a long time, too.”

“And that’s why you were so worried?”

“Yes.”

Isak looked down at his hands. “Is that what the mirror does? Shows you something that you really want?”

His father nodded. “As far as I know, yes.”

_I want Even. My heart wants him._

But Isak somehow knew he would never have Even, not the way he needed. Not the way the mirror had shown him, and part of Isak broke with that realization.

“Can we go to this magic world? Do people from our world go there, like Harry Potter?” Isak asked, still unable to believe that what they were talking about existed. It was too much for Isak to wrap his brain around.

“No. They can come here for short periods of time, but we can’t go there. I don’t know why, exactly. And apparently it is safer to transport items like that mirror through our world first. The wizard said something about the energy of our world. I don’t really know. All I know is that they pay in our world money, and that’s what’s made me not ask very many questions all these years.”

Isak laughed a little, watching as his father turned the doorknob on the inside of basement door, effectively locking it. Isak understood now how Even was able to unlock the door from the other side.

“Please don’t go down here again, Isak. For your own safety.”

“I won’t.”

**

Life went on as normal after that, even though Isak suddenly had this new knowledge of another world. And even though he couldn’t stop thinking about how the Even in the mirror had looked at him, had _loved_ Isak, life still pushed on.

Life was suddenly completely Even-less though. He didn’t return Isak’s phone calls or texts. Isak never saw him leaving for school or coming home, kissing girls on porches. It was like he had just disappeared.

One month after Even broke into Isak’s basement, Isak decided to go over to Even’s house. He knocked on the door, waiting. It was Even’s mother who answered.

“Hi, Isak.” She smiled, looking tired.

“Hi. Is…Even here?”

“Yes, but he’s…” She trailed off, staring at Isak sadly. “He’s sick.”

“Oh. I just haven’t heard from him for a while. I was…worried.” Isak mumbled, feeling stupid all of a sudden.

“You’re always so sweet, Isak. Come on in.” She offered, opening the door wider and making room for him to walk in.

Isak stood in the kitchen as she got him a glass of juice, asking him basic questions about school and his family. He answered, but what he really wanted was to go to Even’s room.

“Has Even spoken to you at all, sweetheart?”

“Not since my birthday. In June.”

“Oh. Well, he’s…” She began, but she was interrupted by Even who appeared around the corner, looking completely terrible.

“Please don’t speak about me, Mom. If I wanted Isak to know what was going on, I would have told him myself.” Even snapped, his voice laced with anger. He didn’t meet Isak’s eye.

Isak’s heart sank a little in his chest as he stared at his friend. His _best_ friend.

“Even, I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

“Do I look okay?” Even asked, finally looking up at Isak. It was a challenging gaze. “Do I look like someone you want to spend any time with?”

“Even, don’t be rude.” His mother cut in, looking hurt.

“Yes.” Isak suddenly said, his voice shaking. “Yes, you _do_ look like someone I want to spend time with. I don’t care if you’re sick. I’ve never cared about that at all.”

“I’m not sick, Isak. I’m insane.” Even said, looking away again.

“What does that _mean?_ Why don’t you fucking elaborate on that instead of pushing me away?”

“Because you don’t deserve it.” Even swallowed, turning to leave again.

That was _not_ fucking happening.

Isak moved towards Even before he made a conscious decision to do it, and next thing he knew he had his hands on Even’s shoulders; embracing him like he always used to. Even looked _stunned._

“Why don’t you let me decide how I feel or what I want? Why do you always just fucking _leave_ me?”

Isak was suddenly crying but he didn’t care. He wasn’t embarrassed. He had just been dying the past month with his need for Even and now that he was finally in front of Isak, it was like the feeling intensified. The idea that Even wanted nothing to do with Isak was _too much._

“Isak, don’t cry.” Even whispered, pushing his face into Isak’s neck and staying there; just breathing.

“Then don’t push me away.”

**

Even let Isak take him to their spot that night and as they were looking up at the stars, Even told Isak that he was bipolar. He’d been diagnosed some months before and Even had never been more scared in his life.

Isak reached for his hand and tangled their fingers together, not letting go.

“My brain doesn’t work.” Even sighed.

“It works fine.”

“I’m messed up. I can’t control anything.”

“What about meds?”

“They exist, but they make a lot of people numb. I don’t want to be numb.” Even whispered, and for the first time in their lives, Isak saw his best friend cry.

It broke a piece of Isak and he couldn’t think of anything to do except roll over and pull Even against his chest, the way Even always did for him.

“Do you remember when we were kids?” Even sniffed after a long while. “When we thought about how we would be in other worlds; other versions of us?”

“Yes.” Isak said. _Like when I wanted magic to be real._ Turns out, it is.

“Do you think there’s a version of me just as I am now, but I’m not sick?”

Isak looked into Even’s eyes – they were focused on Isak this time, and that mended a part of Isak he didn’t know was broken.

“Maybe. But I…I love this version of Even, even if you’re bipolar.”

Even reached for Isak this time, brushing his hair off his face.

“I don’t think there’s a universe where we’re not friends.”

 _Maybe there’s one where we’re more than friends,_ Isak thought. _Like in the mirror._

“Probably not.” Isak agreed, smiling.

“I know we’re older now, Isak but…can I kiss you?”

Isak didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

**

Even went on meds, he was stable for a while, and he started dating a girl named Sonja. She had a big laugh, an even bigger smile, and Even looked at her like she made the sun rise in the morning.

He pushed Isak away again, and Isak still couldn’t get the image of himself with the mirror version of Even out of his head.

When Isak turned seventeen, he blew out his candles wishing that he could somehow unlearn that magic existed.

**

Isak was eighteen, finished school and kind of directionless when the idea that he somehow _had_ been damaged by the mirror suddenly occurred to him. Maybe he had spent too long in front of the mirror and part of his soul was missing.

Because _nobody_ else stirred any kind of feelings within him. He’d gone on dates, hooked up at parties with boys and girls.

Nothing.

He only ever saw Even and Even had moved out of town with Sonja, texting Isak a goodbye that meant absolutely nothing.

Isak found himself completely drunk one night, head rolling back on Jonas’s couch and all he thought about was how he wanted Even’s hands on him; touching him and holding him.

He took out his phone.

Isak: youu fuckd me up u always leave me

To his ultimate surprise, Even’s response came a second later.

Even: Isak, are you okay?

Isak: noo you loveesoenme else

Even: I don’t

Isak: Sooonjaaa

Even: I wish you were sober so we could really talk

Isak: fukc you even u never talktome atall

Even: I’m going to call you

“Ello’?”

“Isak, god you sound fucked up.”

“I am!” Isak laughed, standing up and nearly falling over. He made his way through the crowd of people and out onto the back deck.

“Maybe you should drink some water?”

“Maybe you should…love me like I love you. There’s an idea!” Isak retorted, knowing he would regret this in the morning but he couldn’t make himself stop.

“Isak, I _do_ love you.” Even said, sounding desperate.

“I’m _in_ love with you, dumbass. Since we were little. Since forever. But you don’t want me. It’s fine though, I get it. I’m not special like you.”

“Isak, _of course_ you’re special. You’re the most…”

“Don’t say shit you don’t mean.” Isak interrupted, shaking his head. “But maybe…maybe there _is_ something special about me. I know what my dad does now.” Isak hiccupped, knowing he needed to stop.

“What?” Even asked, sounding confused.

“He…he lets magic happen in our basement. _Real_ magic. Like Harry Potter magic. That mirror you found? Magic. It was magic!”

“Isak, you need to drink some water. Let me talk to Jonas.”

“No. I’m being serious, Even. Magic exists. That mirror lets you see the thing you want most, like the mirror of Eristed. Erisched. _Erised._ Fuck, that’s a weird word.” Isak continued, nearly tripping down the stairs that led out into the backyard. “Erised is ‘desire’ spelled backwards. Fun fact.”

“Isak, I wish I was there with you. I’ve wanted to tell you so many things.”

“Do you know what I saw in the mirror, Even?” Isak asked, lying down on his back to look at the stars, like they always did together.

The absence of Even physically hurt.

“You. I saw you.”

Isak fell asleep with the phone against his ear, listening to Even say his name.

**

A week later, Even came back to Oslo and texted Isak to meet him at their spot. Isak went because it was Even and he couldn’t say no.

Isak was embarrassed of his drunken episode but he was determined not to bring it up.

“Hey.” Even greeted as soon as Isak was through the trees.

“Hi.” Isak said shyly, sitting down next to his friend.

“How are you?”

“Fine.” Isak nodded, avoiding Even’s eyes. “You’re back.”

“I’m back. For good.”

“Okay.”

A silence fell over them and Isak searched for something to say. Anything. But he was drawing a blank. He couldn’t laugh off what he’d said a week ago and deny it, say it was just drunk talk. Isak _did_ love Even. Isak knew Even _didn’t_ want him.

“I never loved Sonja.” Even suddenly said.

Isak looked up at Even. “What?”

“I didn’t. I tried to, but I…couldn’t love her.”

Isak was suddenly irritated and tired and he felt like Even was making fun of him. He stood up and brushed the grass off his pants.

“I’m not doing this. I was _drunk,_ okay? But that doesn’t mean you get to come back here and…rub it in my face! It’s not fair. You know how I feel and…maybe it’s wrong and maybe you hate it but don’t…hurt me like this.” Isak stammered, unable to speak coherently. His brain was going too fast.

Even stood up too, reaching for Isak. “I’m not trying to do anything except tell you how I feel, Isak. I swear.”

“So you didn’t love Sonja. Okay, great. Good for you.” Isak snapped, pulling out of Even’s hold.

“I didn’t love her because I love _you.”_ Even yelled, looking frustrated.

“How can you say that?” Isak yelled right back. “You always leave me! You push me away. You don’t do that to someone you _love!”_

“I wanted better for you.” Even said, his jaw rippling. “I thought…if I went away, you would find someone else.”

Isak shook his head, willing himself not to cry.

“I did find other people.” Isak said, his voice shaking. “I let people suck me and fuck me, take me on dates. But every time I was with anyone else…all I saw was _you.”_

It was out there now. All of it. And Isak couldn’t feel bad about it now. It actually felt good to say.

Even was suddenly in front of Isak, tilting Isak’s head back with his hands so he was forced to look at Even. And in that second, Isak saw it. The _look._ Even was looking at him in the way he had in that stupid magical mirror; the way Isak had been longing for.

“All I see is you, too.”

**

Isak hadn’t understood sex until Even was on top of him, kissing him; running his hands up and down Isak’s skin. Isak had never felt so alive, so present, so unbelievably desired until Even was all around him; devouring him.

Isak couldn’t have predicted what it would feel like to have Even inside of him, because nothing prepared him for the stretch, the throbbing in his heart and groin, the all-encompassing pleasure of it all. His arms were around Even’s neck, pulling the taller boy; unable to let go. He had been here before – this embrace, many times in his life, but it had never been like this.

“Isak, Isak,” Even panted, thrusting his hips slowly forward, mouth wide open.

“Yes. _Yes.”_

**

Even was asleep next to Isak when Isak woke up the next morning, the sunlight pouring into his window. Isak watched him for a few minutes, smiling. _Happy._ He hadn’t recognized what he was feeling as happiness because he’d never felt like this before.

It was different than what the mirror had shown him. The feeling was warmer. Lighter. Less end-of-the-world, die-if-you-don’t-have-it kind of epic longing; replaced by something much more real; much more tangible.

Isak felt like he could have held it in the palm of his hand; their hearts together as one.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure what this was, but I've been re-reading Harry Potter and the mirror of Erised inspired me to write this fic :) Comments/feedback always welcome and appreciated! <3
> 
>  
> 
> Come say hi  
> [here](http://photographer-of-thoughts.tumblr.com/)  
> <3


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